Falling in Love

May 9, 2007

Ibn Hazm stated “Love is neither disapproved by religion, nor prohibited by the law (i.e. the Shariah), for every heart is in Allah’s hand.”

Love is something that one can’t control and something that one becomes liable for only once actions are taken by choice. It is very natural to have preferences in love to a different degree. As the saying goes that when people fall in love, they fall out of character. Love is one of the secrets of Allah’s creation. The Prophet (SAW) recommended people to love their lovers moderately as one day may come that they hate this person distinctly (and vice-versa as one should hate their enemy moderately). Rasoolullah (SAW) sympathized with the lovers. Take, for example, the case of the story of Bareeah:

Rasoolullah (SAW), telling his uncle al-Abbaas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, said “O Abbas! Isn’t it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah hates Mugheeth?” Bareerah was the slave of Mugheeth. Mugheeth freed Bareerah and in return, Bareerah ended her relationship with Mugheeth. Heart-broken, Mugheeth asked Rasoolullah (SAW) to intercede on his behalf to Bareerah. When Rasoolullah (SAW) interceded on Mugheeth’s behalf, Bareerah asked Rasoolullah (SAW) if he was interceding or commanding her to get back together with Mugheeth. Once Rasoolullah (SAW) answered he was interceding, she refused to continue her relationship with Mugheeth.

There are two theories to discuss that deal with love.  For the love-tank theory, consider the fact that when driving a car, women tend to refill their gas tank when half the tank is empty so as to be sure they won’t run out of gas. Men, on the other hand, tend to wait until the gas tank is almost empty before refilling their gas tanks. Relationships tend to be the same way in that women get worried much earlier than men and they need to be reassured that the relationship is going well.

The second theory is the love-bank theory. Consider the idea that a man and woman both open an account with each other at the point of marriage. Women tend to have an accurate record of their bank account and they know what they have deposited and withdrawn. Men, on the other hand, generally do not keep track of the amount in their account as they attempt to take mental notes. However, as checks do bounce, there are times that men forget about somethings. Therefore, it is important that one must deposit whenever withdrawing (i.e. demanding) from the love-bank accounts.

Love is certainly not indecent. It is something completely natural and acceptable in Islam. However, times do exist when love is harmed. These reasons include the exploitation of love, infidelity, acts of disrespect, gossip, and even separation for a long time. What is necessary to make a good marriage work? Love and mercy are the key ingredients as love usually dominates at first, but mercy continues a marriage.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them; and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Translation of the Meaning of the Holy Quran 30:21)

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26 Responses to “Falling in Love”

  1. menur Says:

    IT IS GOOD TO TEACH ESPECIALY YOUNGS

    • usman Says:

      can u please tell that from which book of hadees u quoted this hadees “Love is neither disapproved by religion, nor prohibited by the law (i.e. the Shariah), for every heart is in Allah’s hand.” nd please write the refrence……..its a humble request


      • The statement is not a Hadees. Rather it is a statement made by a later scholar. I hope that helps inshallah jazakAllahkhair Bilal

        Sent from my iPhone

  2. syeda Says:

    assalam alaikum brother/sister, it was good to read the article on love that it is not disapproved by islam but i never read anything of this kind on falling in love b4. There is no such hadees i think. I need a proof of what you have written.
    allahhafiz

  3. bilal Says:

    walaykum assalaam sister, please give me a week or so and insha’Allah, I will write an entry that pertains to the life of Rasoolullah (SAW) and through many hadith you will be see that love is something totally acceptable in Islam. JazakAllahkhair! wa assalamu alaykum, bilal

  4. hddac Says:

    i dunno about dis…….what happen if u….

  5. asif Says:

    what does it say in islam if a girl wants to marry you and tells her mother about you, instead her mother gets the girl married off to someone else in pakistan forcefully, despite the fact the girl is still in love with this guy.


  6. assalamu alaykum brother asif,

    I’m no scholar so I’m in no position to really offer advice or state a fatwa here. I’d recommend getting in touch with a trustworthy scholar in your community and asking for advice or for a fatwa from him. If that is not an option, maybe you can surf trusted Q&A websites for an answer (i.e. http://www.islamqa.com or http://www.islamtoday.com come to mind). May Allah (SWT) give you tawfiq in your endeavors.

  7. muslimah Says:

    of course, there is dear syeda… in Surah Yusuf, Allah tells us the love of Siti Zulaikha to Yusuf persists after years and endless endeavours and finally they were reunited. and pertaining to coolguymuslim’s statement about loving one’s lover moderately, there is an exact ayat in qur’an, in Surah Zuhruf; verse 67.

  8. always kool Says:

    is means tht we can fall in luv, we ppl hav rite to fall in luv. Is thr nothing rong falling in luv……….

  9. K. Says:

    Assalamu alaikum,
    I happened across this blog while looking for a certain hadith – I have just read muslimah’s comment about Yusuf (as), which I don’t think is entirely accurate, on a number of counts:
    1) In Surah Yusuf, Allah never names the wife of the ‘Aziz, and this ‘Zulaikha’ is even considered entirely manufactured by some scholars
    2) She was the wife of his master – remember, the ‘Aziz bought him from the caravan people, and took him in as his ward.
    3) She invited him to zina. He sought refuge in Allah from her, and tried to run away (what follows is the case of the torn shirt). I’d say this romantic idea of thwarted love between them is probably a bit far-fetched, all things considered – particularly the idea of them being re-united.
    4) It wasn’t the case that she necessarily loved Yusuf (as), but that she was attracted to him (after all, Allah gave him half of all beauty) – the same goes for Yusuf (as), that were it not for his taqwa, he might have been attracted to her, but he chose Allah over sinning.

    All that said, though, it’s definitely true that love is a different kettle of fish to marriage: after all, love itself is not blameworthy, whomever you love – it is only when you act on it in a haram way (and most ways ARE haram), that you will be held to account for it.

  10. uneekmuslimah Says:

    Subhan Allah I never knew this about love …. but I think there are limits to how a person acts when he’s in love …. anyways nice article….

  11. majnun Says:

    excellent article.

    Jazakallah for the link.

  12. rabzy Says:

    salamz..hmm, im sure falling in love before islam is not allowed due to the fact it leads to zina maybe. but its not allowed for women or men to talk to non-mahrams?

  13. rabzy Says:

    falling in love before marrige isnt allowed isit???


  14. Wasalams,

    Love isnt what’s halaal or haraam here as it is something in our hearts and outside of our control. It’s the actions you do (since you control your actions) based on those feelings that is halaal or haraam.

  15. Saba Yousaf Says:

    Salam,
    Love for Allah(swt)& His Rasul(saw)should come first.
    In a hadith the Holy Prophet(peace be upon him) said: ‘For two mutual lovers, you will find nothing like marriage’.
    Wasalam.

  16. muslimah Says:

    people who say falling in love is haram are the people who have never fell in love. having a relationship before marrige is haram not falling in love

  17. zaeem as-salafi Says:

    salamu a3laykum

    The reports that indicate that it is haraam to be alone with a non-mahram woman even if she is with her fiancé include the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (3006) and Muslim (1341) from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be alone with a woman.”

    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No, no man is alone with a woman but the third one present is the Shaytaan.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2165), classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.

    However there is a hadeeth:

    “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

    Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:

    The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

    And then Qur’an also saying:

    “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do”

    [al-Noor 24:30]

    Muslim (2159) narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about an accidental look and he commanded me to avert my gaze.

    The correct way is if two persons like each other (or not) marriage is the right thing, and i am sure most of brothers and sisters in islam would agree, and people in eastern countries even don’t let the future spouse see each other but hadeeth says:

    It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235)

    and rest Allaah knows the best. If what i said was correct, was from Allaah, if wrong was from me or from shaytan. And i seek refuge with Allaah from shaytan and from my own nafs.

  18. unknown Says:

    i was looking for the prophets advise if u are too young and it bothers ur daily life (im still a preteen!) my sisters don’t approve so i was looking for the sunni guidance!

  19. Shahzad AK Says:

    As soon as I read Ibn-e-Hazm, I say this would be interesting to read. There is a book, The ring of Love by Ibn e hazm, an interesting one with lots of poetry.

    http://lightupon.blogspot.com/2006/09/for-love.html

  20. tanveer Says:

    what r the main ways of falling in love?……..
    Either by looking at a girl or talking to her…..
    looking at a girl or gazing at her is zina……. muhammed (saw) had said ur second gaze on the girl is haram….. it is very rare that one would love someone without looking at them….. ALLAH has also ordered us to lower ur gaze…… then how would u fall in love…..? I hope my reply didnt hurt any one…

  21. tanveer Says:

    here are some proofs…………..
    TELL THE BELIVING MEN TO LOWER THEIR GAZE (from looking at prohibited things) AND PROTECT THEIR PRIVATE PARTS [AI-NOOR 24:30]
    Jabeer ibn `abd-allah said :
    I asked the messenger of allah (pbuh) about a sudden glance, he commanded me to avert my glance [ by muslim 2159]
    some of the similar proofs are………….
    SURAH GHAAFIR [ 40:19 ] AND [ 40:60 ]
    SURAH AL-ANKABOOT [ 29:69]

  22. Galib Ramathan Says:

    Magaca Eebe yaan ku bilaabaynaa ee naxariista guud iyo mid gaaraba naxariista

    October 19, 2012
    Galib Malik Ramathan
    1626 Weston Road Unit B1
    Toronto, Ontario, M9N 1T9,
    Canada E-Mail: galibramathan1979@hotmail.com

    Assalaamu Calaykum Waraxmatullahi Wabarakaatu

    Walaalayaal Magacayga waxaa la yiraahdaa Galib Ramathan. Waxaan ku dhashay magaalada Muqdisho, Soomaaliya bishii Janaayo 1st sanadkii 1981kii. Aniga runtii waa dhibaatees nahay marka horeeso Aniga waa jiran nahay. Waxaa qaataa daawooyin oo loo cuno cudur oo loo yaqaano chronic Schizophrenia; mashaqeesankaro wax na mabarankaro. Waxaa ku jiraday dagaalkii sokeeye ee Soomaaliya. Waxaa ku qaaday shoog sanadkii 1991kii. Waxaa jiran nahay ilaa muddo 21sano ilaa sanadkii 1991kii maanta caafimaadkay ma fiicna.
    Hadda

    Aniga waxaa ku noolahay Magaalada Toronto ee dalka Kanada muddo 18 sano ilaa sanadkii 1994kii keligay dad ehel iima joogaan. Dadkay waxee joogaan Magaalada Dar-Es Salaam, ee dalka Tanzaniya. Muddo hadda laga joogo 17 sano ka hor waxaa joogi jiray Magaalada Dar-Es Salaam, ee dalka Tanzaniya,

    Waagii aa joogi jiray Tanzaniga weligay noloshay daawo macunin cudur iyo daawo la igama horeerin wadankaan, Kanada maxaa yeelay waxaa ku badan cuduro oo saddex u kala baxo oo loo yaqaano Stress iyo frustration iyo depression.

    Waxaa keenaayo qurbaha. Waagii aa joogi jiray Afrika weligay daawo macunin noloshay maxaa yeelay Afrika Stress iyo frustration iyo depression malaha.

    Afrika waxaa taalo nolol raaxo iyo caafimaad. Reerkay waxee jecel yihiin Afrika Magaalada Dar-Es Salaam, Tanzaniya. Tanzaniya wax yaalo badan ayee ku fiican tahay waxaa ka mid ah. Dadka ku nool Tanzaniya waa dad masaakiin waxba maheestaan hadana waxee qabaan caafimaad iyo imaan kooda.

    Waxee na ku nool yihiin nolol raaxo. Mar walba wee iska faraxsan yihiin waxee ka wal walaayaan malaha. Anaga wee naga fiican yihiin 100% weligeen magaareeno. Waxee qabaan caafimaad maxaa yeelay cunto fresh ayee cunaan. Dadka ku nool Tanzaniya badan waa dad Muslin ah. Tanzaniya nabad-gelyada aad iyo aadbee u wanaagsan tahay qof kula hadlaayo majiro. Dadka madooga oo Tanzaniya u dhashay waa dad aad iyo aad u wanaagsan. Aniga waxaa Tanzaniya ugu guuraayo ma aha caafimaad keliya wax yaalo badan ayaa ku jeclahay dalka Tanzaniya. Waxaa rabaa reerkey in aa u dhawaado oo wax la qabsado mustaqbal keega.

    Aniga hadda waxaa go’aansaday in aa u guuro Magaalada
    Dar-Es Salaam, Tanzaniya bisha- Diseembar 31, sanadka 2014ka insha- Allaah. Saas daraadeed. Lacag oo igu filan oo wax ku qabsado maheesto. Aniga waxaan ahay wiil miskiin ilaahay oo u baahan idinka iyo ilaahay.

    Hadda aniga waxaa u baahan nahay gar-gaar deg deg ah. Qof walba oo walaalkay ah waxaa weydiisanayaa caawinaad meel walba oo dunida joogtaan. Waxaa ii awoodid waxaa ii soo dirtaa cheque oo magacayga ku qoran yahay. Waxaana igu soo dirtaa cinwaanka oo ku qoran waraaqdaan dusheeda.

    Maanta nolol kuma heesto wadankaan qurbaha. Waxaa rabaa nolosha aa hadda ku jiro in aa ka baxo oo nolol ka wanaagsan in aa gaaro oo reer yeesho markaa gaaro Magaalada Dar-Es Salaam, Tanzaniya.
    Maanta dhul ilaahay xaggiisa loogu dhawaado majoogi, Tanzaniya talaabada aa qaadid waxaa ku yaalo Masaajid shan salaadood waa makhleesaa maasha-Allaah, Tanzaniya waxee leedahay bad. Iyo hawo macaan. Haddaa soo xasuusto noloshii aa ku noolaa Tanzaniya iyo maanta mararka qaarkood waa iska ooyaa. Wax macuni karo mana maseexan karo. Marka walaalayaal meel walba oo dunida joogtaan waa la isku baahan yahay.

    ilaahay wuxuu yidhi isku naxariista meel walba oo dunida joogtaan ha idin naxariistee? Qofkii Muslin u miciino muraadkiis wuu helaa maslaxada aa suubsatit adduunka ayaa aakhiro ku meel martaa waxaana gacantaa midig ka dhiibatit aakhiro miisaanka ayaa lagu kabaa?

    Haddaa su’aal qabtit ila soo xariir sida ugu dhakhsaha badan. Aad iyo aadbaa u mahadsantahay.

    Waxaana kuu rajeynayaa kheyr Jazaakallahu Khayran
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