Falling in Love

Ibn Hazm stated “Love is neither disapproved by religion, nor prohibited by the law (i.e. the Shariah), for every heart is in Allah’s hand.”

Love is something that one can’t control and something that one becomes liable for only once actions are taken by choice. It is very natural to have preferences in love to a different degree. As the saying goes that when people fall in love, they fall out of character. Love is one of the secrets of Allah’s creation. The Prophet (SAW) recommended people to love their lovers moderately as one day may come that they hate this person distinctly (and vice-versa as one should hate their enemy moderately). Rasoolullah (SAW) sympathized with the lovers. Take, for example, the case of the story of Bareeah:

Rasoolullah (SAW), telling his uncle al-Abbaas the story of Mugheeth and Bareerah, said “O Abbas! Isn’t it amazing how much Mugheeth loves Bareerah and how much Bareerah hates Mugheeth?” Bareerah was the slave of Mugheeth. Mugheeth freed Bareerah and in return, Bareerah ended her relationship with Mugheeth. Heart-broken, Mugheeth asked Rasoolullah (SAW) to intercede on his behalf to Bareerah. When Rasoolullah (SAW) interceded on Mugheeth’s behalf, Bareerah asked Rasoolullah (SAW) if he was interceding or commanding her to get back together with Mugheeth. Once Rasoolullah (SAW) answered he was interceding, she refused to continue her relationship with Mugheeth.

There are two theories to discuss that deal with love.  For the love-tank theory, consider the fact that when driving a car, women tend to refill their gas tank when half the tank is empty so as to be sure they won’t run out of gas. Men, on the other hand, tend to wait until the gas tank is almost empty before refilling their gas tanks. Relationships tend to be the same way in that women get worried much earlier than men and they need to be reassured that the relationship is going well.

The second theory is the love-bank theory. Consider the idea that a man and woman both open an account with each other at the point of marriage. Women tend to have an accurate record of their bank account and they know what they have deposited and withdrawn. Men, on the other hand, generally do not keep track of the amount in their account as they attempt to take mental notes. However, as checks do bounce, there are times that men forget about somethings. Therefore, it is important that one must deposit whenever withdrawing (i.e. demanding) from the love-bank accounts.

Love is certainly not indecent. It is something completely natural and acceptable in Islam. However, times do exist when love is harmed. These reasons include the exploitation of love, infidelity, acts of disrespect, gossip, and even separation for a long time. What is necessary to make a good marriage work? Love and mercy are the key ingredients as love usually dominates at first, but mercy continues a marriage.

“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them; and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Translation of the Meaning of the Holy Quran 30:21)